i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
