o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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