There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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