So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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