I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
