my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
