also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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