great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
