I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
