I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
