Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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