I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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