I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want her autograph on my taint
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
