my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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