Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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