also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
