My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
