R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
