she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
