No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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