You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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