i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
