Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
