How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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