i just wanna soil my oats bro
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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