ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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