a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
