I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
