How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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