I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
