what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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