i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
