Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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