I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
