Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
