Define "chronic" masturbator.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
