People in love make me want to vomit
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
