There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
