We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
