maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
