i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
