If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
