I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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