Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
