3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
