this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
