Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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