College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
