I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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