So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
