I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
