i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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