sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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