nut hugger
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
