She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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