you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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