Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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