I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
