worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I party with great urgency now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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