Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
