i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
