Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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