If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
