The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize