I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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