i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
