Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
