What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
