Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
