I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
