I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
