i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize