Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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