Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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