So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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