take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
