the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
