She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
