Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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