I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
