If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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