RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
