i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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