Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
