I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
