Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
