dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They are going to name an STD after you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
