she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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