Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
