I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
